Loving What Is
Beth on 15 Jan 2010
I just finished reading Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is and it had a profound effect on me. As I was reading, I kept on thinking about addiction. We think that we’re powerless over these chemicals; I have come to believe that addiction help is just a thought away.
If you are not familiar with Byron Katie and her work, here is the basic premise: if you believe your thoughts you suffer. When people come to her for help, she asks them:”Who would you be without your story?” She calls her process “The Work” and it has four questions. You think a thought. You think: “I can’t stay sober.” That’s a thought you thought. And your Work is to question that thought.
The first question you ask is “Is it true?” Is it true that I can’t stay sober? You might immediately say Yes! It is true because past experience has shown that you’ve not been able to stay sober. The second question is “Can you absolutely know that it is true?” Can you absolutely know that you can’t stay sober? No. You know lots of people who have stayed sober for years! So it is not physically impossible. It’s not like you are asking if you can walk to the moon.
The third question is “How do you react when you believe the thought? ‘I can’t stay sober’? This question, and its answer, allow you to examine all the ways that that one little thought has motivated you to take all sorts of actions. Destructive actions, like binge drinking, self loathing, violence and anger.
The last question is this: “Who would you be without that thought?” Just this question is radical. You may think it’s silly or a psychology student trick, but it is amazing. Think it through: who would you be if you didn’t think you could never stay sober? If you stopped believing that sobriety was unattainable, who would you be? Probably, you’d be sober. And you’d stay sober easily because you have replaced that negative belief with a positive belief.
That’s “The Work” and I can see it having this huge impact on my life. I don’t know if it could cure something like Bipolar Syndrome, but I know for addiction, so much of it is mental. Getting past what we believe are our limitations is most of the battle. Most people, and I’m as guilty as anyone, have this river of negative thoughts running through their minds all day, every day. If you can catch even one of those negative thoughts and put it through the four questions, you can begin to shift your life.